She’s magic don’t you know? And so are you.
I’m currently educating my autistic eight year old outside of a school setting. When trying to access school she was distraught. Her emotional dysregulation, poor sleep, physical pain, headaches, gastric problems, difficulty with focus and attention were all very severe, she was experiencing an extremely disabling level of need due to being autistic in a setting that was not meeting her needs. For clarity she was previously home educated but wanted to experience school and does enjoy some aspects of a group educational setting, hence our decision as a child-led learning family to try to navigate the school system.
I am working to find a solution for her education as she does want to go to school, in the meantime we are doing our best. Navigating an educational path with no support system available to us, and it is deeply traumatic. This trauma was hers initially, in an environment that she couldn’t cope in, exhausted by masking all day and collapsing in distress before and after every school day. Now that she is not subject to this daily, the weight of this has been passed to me. I’m a solo parent, a professional working freelance in the neurodiversity and disability field, a mother to two autistic children, and myself autistic. The pressure to meet her high level of need, and to keep everything else functioning simultaneously is a demand I know many SEN parents face.
When there is nothing else to stop your child from falling, you break to stop them breaking.
This is not an answer, it is not a solution. It is the mark of a broken system that cannot meet the needs of the people that rely on it. And, even more heartbreaking than that, it is a system that punishes us when it fails us. Every day that she is not in school I receive two “unauthorised absences”. I’m at risk of being fined and prosecuted by the state for breaching my child’s education. My child who will sit at the kitchen table and ask to do extra multiplication with her tutor, who will sit and teach her little sister to read, who will design posters, write letters, create music and sing songs to the wind. Who loves to learn, who is desperate to feel safe in a setting where she can thrive.
Out of school she is calmer, her sleep is better, her rage slips back from eruption to frustration. She still needs a lot of co-regulation. She needs a lot of movement, of 1:1 support to focus. Reassurance to build confidence when she doesn’t quite trust herself. But she does not feel the full weight of her disability because her environment is tailored to her needs. It is hard to meet these needs alone, but the solution can’t be found in reasonable adjustments to a broken system. We need to stop building societies that exclude and fail so many of us.
I have big dreams for a future that does this. Of communities that readily hold each other, of schools that are designed for the children that access them, and not for the convenience of the capitalist system they uphold. We have a choice here, we can choose another path. One of radical empathy, of reconnection with our souls, our land, the rhythm of the free world we are intrinsically part of.
We are starting on our own doorstep, holding space for our sisters and their daughters to come together, in full acceptance and connection with each other, a time for being not doing. To sink into the warmth of each other. To counter the rush of the daily disconnect. Where we move unconsciously from task to task, school, work, extra curricular activities, quick meals and rushed goodbyes.
It’s Francesca’s wish to bring this circle together, I’m co-hosting and guiding her in her first role holding space in this way. She has just turned eight. She is already great beyond measure, her greatness is unbounded, expansive and so inspiring. I can’t wait to hold her as she holds you. I can’t wait to share her magic with you.
Our first circle takes place on Sunday 25th October
4 – 5:30pm
Aston le Walls Village Hall, Northants
Family ticket £25
Supported places available to those who need them
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